PITYCARD

I came across pitycard.com while perusing DIAGRAM the other day. The website itslef is impossible to navigate (it navigates for you, you'll see), but it has a cool diagram tool that will make a wiry little grammatical graph of any text you input. Besides just looking at the graph with googly eyes, I was thinking I might be able to use this to add some detail in the background of some of my work. Yeah! I like that idea. I'm making CJ a CD case for my portfolio, and I think I'll make some lyric graphs to hang in the background somewhere. Nice.

I made a graph of "Come Together" by the Beatles, because I've been listening to that song on repeat for the last couple of days. It's just so satisfying to sing along to. Also, it is very strange. Click on the giant thumbnail to see the whole diagram. Also, if you feel like it, try it out for yourself.

Save the Starling!

"All of the European Starlings found today in North America--and they number in the 200 million range--are descendants of approximately 100 birds introduced in New York City's Central Park in the early 1890s. A society dedicated to introducing into America all of the birds mentioned in the works of Shakespeare set these birds free (Mathias Svalina)".

Excuse me? Did you say there was a society dedicated to introducing into America all the birds mentioned in the works of Shakespeare? What? Do we not have anything better to do with our time and resources? Speachless. Just speachless.

poeple are so weird - a new post idea

I've had some free time at work today (how unsusual) so I've been reading Mitch Hedberg jokes and laughing out loud and disturbing my neighbours in more ways than one. I'm going to post some of my favourites here, but before you read them, you have to see Mitch Hedberg in order to appreciate his delivery. So watch that video before reading on. Alright.

• A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"
• I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
• This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!
• I got a belt on that's holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's going on here? Who is the real hero?
• Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"
• I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.
• I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?
• I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."
• A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."
• I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"
• I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.
• I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.
• I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
• A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
• I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
• I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide."
• I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything."
• I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
• They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.
• This shirt is dry clean only. Which means it's dirty.
• I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I said, "Dude, you have to wait."
• I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
• I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.
• I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell, "Fore!" I was too busy yelling, "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him!"
• I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
• I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

That'll brighten up anyone's day. Of course, Mitch is dead. I couldn't let you go on being happy for too long, now could I?

I work in a call centre where I receive questions on legislation from all kinds. Mitch's enjoyment of life's little oddities has lead me to include a daily quote of something stupid/ridiculous that has been said to me or one of the other two people in my office. The first quote, and the one that inspired it all, came to Christie in the middle of a conversation with no context whatsoever:

Christie: "What's the name of the company?"
Caller: "Niwre is Erwin spelled backwards."
Christie: "What does that mean?"
Silence.

That's all folks.

Across the Universe

This movie was absoultely spectacular! There were some weak spots with characters I thought, but I would have loved it even without a plot. Watch this video of "I want you" and then see the movie so you can appreciate every Beatles song in its full glory:



Also watch another of Julie Taymore's amazing movies, Frida. It is also one of my favourites, and visually stunning.

One more for tonight, I have a lot of time to make up for

And now for Imogen Heap. She is quite a talented young lady.

Teddy Thompson, "Tonight Will be Fine"

I encourage everyone to watch "I'm Your Man", a documentary/tribute concert to Leonard Cohen. Here's an excerpt:



Also, read his Book of Longing I brought it on a long trip while I was alone and I think I'm better for it. Don't just go to the website either. There's something great about ready poetry out of a hard cover book full of very personal sketches. Just trust me on this one.

wow, it's been a while

Okay, so it's been over a year. So I guess that means no one reads this. That's probably good - it'll help me to be honest again and throw out some of my boredom inducing brain filters. Nice.

I was walking behind a man today on the way into work. He was wearing a polo shirt, and khakis, carrying a laptop bag, and a wal-mart bag. He seemed just as hurried to get where he was going as I did... not so much, that is. I wonder if he saw himself becoming this man one day? Did he want to be walking around downtown Hamilton on a Friday morning carrying all that crap? Dunno. I was thinking he probably didn't though.

I then had a rude awakening. I was pretty much doing the same thing that he was (minus the khakis and polo shirt, and plus other clothes, oh dear). I thought to myself: it's different. You're younger. This isn't your life, it's just what comes before your life. I really need to stop thinking that. What a messed up thing to tell myself!

I'm making some good changes: I'm exercising regularly, I'm finishing my degree (finally), I'm a starting a new degree (that I will actually use and love), and I'm leerning to accept the fact that I do nothing for a living..for now.

The last one has actually been the hardest. My job sucks balls and I've let myself get all stressed out about it. I literally kill about 7 out of 8 hours at my desk. But I've now realized that as long as I'm starting a new degree and a new career, that's life. For the next five months, most of my life will be a means to an end. Could be worse. I actually made a little reminder for myself to look at when I get pissed off about wasting my life in a cubicle. It goes like this:

(I'll add it when I get to work tomorrow, I think I saved it there. It's a desk icon = $, then it says "Get Over It". It helps me get over it)

Nice, eh? I rather like it.

I'm also learning to enjoy relaxing. It's ridiculous that this is difficult. I get so guilty when I'm not at least feeling bad for doing nothing. Of course feeling guilty doesn't make me get off my ass, it just guarantees that I don't feel relaxed by the time I get off my ass. Again, messed up. I am spending time (at home not at work!) writing in this blog. I'm relaxing.

I also made some cool art yesterday. I didn't feel guilty while I was doing it instead of writing a pointless essay or reading a really boring book. I think it's cool at least. You decide if you like it.




Also, read this story: "The Last Question" by Isaac Asimov . Think about it when you're done. What does a cyclical universe mean? What questions does it force you to ask? Ask.