wow, it's been a while
Okay, so it's been over a year. So I guess that means no one reads this. That's probably good - it'll help me to be honest again and throw out some of my boredom inducing brain filters. Nice.
I was walking behind a man today on the way into work. He was wearing a polo shirt, and khakis, carrying a laptop bag, and a wal-mart bag. He seemed just as hurried to get where he was going as I did... not so much, that is. I wonder if he saw himself becoming this man one day? Did he want to be walking around downtown Hamilton on a Friday morning carrying all that crap? Dunno. I was thinking he probably didn't though.
I then had a rude awakening. I was pretty much doing the same thing that he was (minus the khakis and polo shirt, and plus other clothes, oh dear). I thought to myself: it's different. You're younger. This isn't your life, it's just what comes before your life. I really need to stop thinking that. What a messed up thing to tell myself!
I'm making some good changes: I'm exercising regularly, I'm finishing my degree (finally), I'm a starting a new degree (that I will actually use and love), and I'm leerning to accept the fact that I do nothing for a living..for now.
The last one has actually been the hardest. My job sucks balls and I've let myself get all stressed out about it. I literally kill about 7 out of 8 hours at my desk. But I've now realized that as long as I'm starting a new degree and a new career, that's life. For the next five months, most of my life will be a means to an end. Could be worse. I actually made a little reminder for myself to look at when I get pissed off about wasting my life in a cubicle. It goes like this:
(I'll add it when I get to work tomorrow, I think I saved it there. It's a desk icon = $, then it says "Get Over It". It helps me get over it)
Nice, eh? I rather like it.
I'm also learning to enjoy relaxing. It's ridiculous that this is difficult. I get so guilty when I'm not at least feeling bad for doing nothing. Of course feeling guilty doesn't make me get off my ass, it just guarantees that I don't feel relaxed by the time I get off my ass. Again, messed up. I am spending time (at home not at work!) writing in this blog. I'm relaxing.
I also made some cool art yesterday. I didn't feel guilty while I was doing it instead of writing a pointless essay or reading a really boring book. I think it's cool at least. You decide if you like it.
Also, read this story: "The Last Question" by Isaac Asimov . Think about it when you're done. What does a cyclical universe mean? What questions does it force you to ask? Ask.
I was walking behind a man today on the way into work. He was wearing a polo shirt, and khakis, carrying a laptop bag, and a wal-mart bag. He seemed just as hurried to get where he was going as I did... not so much, that is. I wonder if he saw himself becoming this man one day? Did he want to be walking around downtown Hamilton on a Friday morning carrying all that crap? Dunno. I was thinking he probably didn't though.
I then had a rude awakening. I was pretty much doing the same thing that he was (minus the khakis and polo shirt, and plus other clothes, oh dear). I thought to myself: it's different. You're younger. This isn't your life, it's just what comes before your life. I really need to stop thinking that. What a messed up thing to tell myself!
I'm making some good changes: I'm exercising regularly, I'm finishing my degree (finally), I'm a starting a new degree (that I will actually use and love), and I'm leerning to accept the fact that I do nothing for a living..for now.
The last one has actually been the hardest. My job sucks balls and I've let myself get all stressed out about it. I literally kill about 7 out of 8 hours at my desk. But I've now realized that as long as I'm starting a new degree and a new career, that's life. For the next five months, most of my life will be a means to an end. Could be worse. I actually made a little reminder for myself to look at when I get pissed off about wasting my life in a cubicle. It goes like this:
(I'll add it when I get to work tomorrow, I think I saved it there. It's a desk icon = $, then it says "Get Over It". It helps me get over it)
Nice, eh? I rather like it.
I'm also learning to enjoy relaxing. It's ridiculous that this is difficult. I get so guilty when I'm not at least feeling bad for doing nothing. Of course feeling guilty doesn't make me get off my ass, it just guarantees that I don't feel relaxed by the time I get off my ass. Again, messed up. I am spending time (at home not at work!) writing in this blog. I'm relaxing.
I also made some cool art yesterday. I didn't feel guilty while I was doing it instead of writing a pointless essay or reading a really boring book. I think it's cool at least. You decide if you like it.
Also, read this story: "The Last Question" by Isaac Asimov . Think about it when you're done. What does a cyclical universe mean? What questions does it force you to ask? Ask.
posted by alison keddy at 10:47 p.m.
1 Comments:
Hi Alison...it's Laura "Culp". I read your blog today...thanks for the insights. I've struggled with the same thing. However, this summer I've done some soul-searching (as it were) and I've discovered that there's no rush to get where we're going. We're always desperate to discover what is just beyond our grasp. Why do we have to be in a hurry to "do something" with our lives? Why not change our perspective around and not think about something as a means to an end. That sounds so final. Maybe it's just a means to a different path. Maybe there are lessons to learn from the current situation that can be applied later? I dunno...just some thoughts...but I hear you...I really do. I hope something fun and exciting and extra-special happens today for you! Be blessed!
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