"let's make it a little bit brighter in here"

I wish I could just put a direct line from my brain to this page. I think I would be shocked at what I read. FOr some reason I have a billion filters just beneath my skull correcting and adjusting every thought for public consumption. As the thoughts come to me, they are incomplete, grammatically incorrect, in several languages, sometimes in images (is that another anguage?), in emotions (same question goes here), and so on and so on. How on earth am I supposed to turn all that into words that make sense to anyone exceot me? Shouls I try to clear up the mess?

Then again, I obviously don't really want my most private thoughts to be spewed out digitally for the world to see. If I did, I would just do it. I'm too scared of what you all might think, and of what I might think. So much for making it brighter in here. I was intending to be light-hearted and brief. That's what I get for going against my nature I guess.

I guess some of the wonder of human relationship comes out of the difficulty of communication though. IF I could just download my personality, opinions, and ideas onto a zip drive and pass it to a stranger, we most certainly wouldn't become friends. It's all about being fragile and vulnerable and taking the time and tremendous effort to really know another person. I'm not sure that I've ever been patient or selfless enough to reallly know someone.

My mind is wandering now and it's starting to depress me. Always with the questions.