screw contemplation. what has it ever done for me?

For the last few days I have noticed I'm not acting or feeling like myself. I may have brought this on by over analysis as I am know to do. It's a very strange and uncomfortable disconnected feeling. It's almost lonely, like I don't even have myself for company any more. This could, however, be a good thing in the end. This new perspective on my own thoughts has made me question my motivations and reactions. I'm surprised by my own ego and selfishness everyday. I suppose the fact that I'm surprised means something in itself.

I'm so over-concerned about having everything perfect, keeping everyone happy - including myself - and keeping up appearances. In other words I'm a cronic control freak. I was reading someone else's blog today and I was strongly reminded of myself. This writer noted that he has slowly over time removed himself from the spheres of life in which he is not competitive. This part of my personality isn't news to me, but for some reason it really hit me when I read that. I know that I stick to what I'm good at, and that I have an "if you can't beat 'em, leave 'em" attitude. I've been working on this attitude steadily over the last few years because I now realize how detrimental it is. If I only do what comes naturally, I'll never have a great sense of accomplishment at overcoming an obstacle, and most improtantly, I may never find out what it is that I truly love. My life has had enough contemplative moments, I think I need to take a little action.